This blog site is to show all sides of sex...the sweet and loving. The dark and evil. The taboo.
My point? Feed your true nature, once you realize what it is. If you are the type that believes in happily ever after, go ahead and skip over this blog post.
So, for those that remain...how are you doing? This fantasy has a little bit of roughness to it. It's primal. It's raw. It is total abandonment of all restraints. You are living for the moment, nothing else. It is a world few have ever seen or experienced..but those that do develop a deeper understanding of...things.
What is BDSM? BDSM, from my point of view, is a chance to let my true nature free...which is my release. All the pent up anger, wrath, disappointments, frustrations, stress...whatever it is, I express it. I let it go. That is Khym's definition of BDSM...a true release. It can be sexual or not. It can be physical, mental or emotional..or all three. One can not reach their release until they understand what their true sexual nature is. Why? Knowing your true sexual nature will allow you to express your true feelings...ta da! There is your release. Anyways, on to the fantasy...you were warned.
I decided to go out one night...hit up the bar scene and unwind. It was Saint Patrick's Day after all..I cant ignore my Irish genes and NOT drink. I called up a few of my friends and we all decided on a dive. (Sometimes, I just like to shoot some pool in a dark nasty smelling place...and drink really really strong drinks).I was going through a tough time in my life..the love of my life and I had just publically broken up a few months prior (or was it longer? Time seems to be blurry) and I was tired of laying around my apartment crying, hurting, alone and broken. I had to force myself to live again. I just had to!! I had to find a way to push past the mind blowing pain that was consuming me, eating me alive. I had to kill all off feeling, move on to the next. My life doesnt stand still because my heart was broken. Fuck no. I am tougher than that!!! No one slays me, takes me out for the count! So, after a few shots of Bailey's, I was set to go. Dragged myself our of bed, got dressed in a pair of jeans and a tshirt, slapped on some makeup and was ready to go!
So, I am sitting at the bar watching my friend's play another suck ass game of pool. I have been for the most part, trying to enjoy myself. I smile at the right times, laugh when something silly happens...but I am growing anxious for some reason. It is like a dark hole in the center of my body that keeps growing. I can feel it spreading, slowly but surely. I just want to go back to my bed and hide away! I sigh and get ready to get off my bar stool when a body slides into the bar stool beside me..and places a hand on my thigh. I roll my eyes in annoyance and have a quick retort on my lips as I turn and face him...Now, this is going to sound really incredibly bad, but for the life of me, I can not remember his facial features clearly...I think it was all the alcohol I consumed that night..starting with the shot he handed me. Anyone who has been thru heartbreak knows...the one thing you want to do is push the pain so far away, you never feel it...you want to be numb and not feel anything...until you are ready to deal with things. I dont think there is a single person who has successfully dealt with such intense pain in a healthy way..some use alcohol and drugs. Some force themselves to continue life..they still go to work everyday. "Fake it til you make it" is their motto. Well, I was trying the fake it til I made it method..which worked during the day time. When the sun set though, that is when the pain would wash over me, afresh. Well, screw that. It was Saint Patrick's day. i wanted to have fun and live my life. Perhaps drink a little. Next thing I remember, we are in my apartment rolling around my bedroom floor. Literally. How this happened is still a mystery to me. I dont think I even remember his name! I was not drunk..but I had a bit to drink and was feeling quite good. Thankfully, my roommate was not home that night...as he and I barged through the front door and managed to make it to my bedroom. Clothes were thrown off in a hurry as we raced to the main event of the evening. Chest heaving, rapid panting, the fumbling of the fingers on a belt buckle and the age old struggle with a bra clasp. We backed into my bed and I was forcibly thrown upon it. I felt my pulse galloping, my lower body coiled and ready to spring, my thighs quivering in extreme excitement. I did not have a clue as to what would happen...but I had a good feeling it was going to be an experience I would not soon forget. My friend for the evening did not give me a moment to recollect my thoughts as he threw himself upon me....
He and I wasted no time on foreplay or whispering sweet nothings to each other. His rock hard (and mighty juicy thick cock) was soon gloved and shoving into the deepest parts of my inner being. I could hear the blood rushing in my ears, in my head, could feel an inner turmoil beginning. Furious, hard, fast and with no sympathy. My pussy was punished, bruised and reborn again. His rock solid cock thrusting faster and faster, harder and harder, deeper and deeper. No time for breathing. No time for feeling anything but the sweet scent of a primal lust sated. We were both racing toward the goal of the ultimate orgasm when all of a sudden, the thrusting stopped. His breathing slowed and I slowly opened my eyes, curious. I was wondering what he was going to do next. He hadnt cum yet...so what was the deal? I watched in fascination as a bead of sweat fell from his sweaty brow into the cleft between my breasts. Hmm....yummy. The only thing I could think of was...licking the salt from his sweaty body. He slowly raised himself to his elbows, struggling to catch his breath. I could still feel him inside me....and felt the walls of my tight pussy clenching around him. Release, then clench again. Slowly torturing and massaging the rock hard cock still inside of me. I am still wondering what he has planned when, as if he was reading my mind, his hands slowly close upon my neck. I nod my head in silent assent as I read the question in his eyes. A small smile turns up the corners of my mouth. Oh yes, this is a night of punishment. Abandon all hope ye who enter into this world of darkness.
I lean up a little bit to give him better access to my throat. In the frenzied hardcore fuck of earlier, I had somehow wound up on the edge of my bed, almost falling off. I sigh deeply as I feel his hands close tighter around my neck. The inner beast in me senses a release is near...a much sought after and much needed release. The true release that will set the inner beast free and perhaps soothe my much wounded heart and soul. My friend for the evening slightly tightens his grip and begins the stroking anew. Slowly in, sliding slowly out of my oh so wet pussy. I am pretty sure his cock is on fire from being inside the inferno that is burning me up. I close my eyes in absolute bliss, silently begging for the punishment I know I deserve. Why, you may ask. Why do I deserve to be punished? I have a simple answer for that...because I was behaving very badly. See, I was in love with my ex. Loved him with everything I had..and what I didnt have. I felt as though I was not allowed to enjoy another man. I was not allowed to be intimate in any way with anyone else but my ex. To do so would be a betrayal. I would betray the love I had for him...and I am one who does not take betrayal lightly. This evening was the first time in a long long time I cut loose and said to myself "fuck it" I still felt guilty though...and all of these feelings running circles around my head would all come into play this evening.
He continues his penile assault on me....sliding his cock in and out of my pussy, exciting me further. Teasing me with the promise of fulfillment. I am gasping for breath as his tempo is increasing. My inner beast is slowly uncurling, stretching out leisurely. The release is at hand...but not just yet. My inner beast will not break free until the time is just right. As his tempo increases, his hands get even tighter around my neck, his fingers digging into my skin and pressing hard against my windpipe. I revel in the sensation of his heavy balls smacking against the opening of my pussy as he is fucking me. There are no words spoken in this world. Only, the joining of bodies in the age old dance of...fucking. Not sex. Not intercourse. Good old fashioned fucking. My hands slowly creep up to cover his on my neck. I...my eyesight is startimg to go a little blurry and my breathing is erratic..I can not seem to catch my breath. His hands are large and he is not a skinny man...muscular. If I am not careful, I could die tonight. I am caught up in the wonderful ufurling of desire in my lower stomach, in my chest, in my whole being to really pay any mind. I am being punished. I am happy, happier than I have been in a very very long time. Suddenly, he rolls off me and the rush of cool air shocks my overheated skin. Without missing a beat, he shoves my legs apart and then...oooh, I feel his hot hot tongue lapping at my clit. I moan loudly and writhe in sheer joy. He clamps his hands on my waist and shoves his tongue deep inside me. I am wet beyond wet at this point, gasping for air, grabbing fistfuls of the bedsheets. It feels so good...so, wanton. So...complete. I hear myself murmering..dirty filthy talking. I want him to get me wetter. I want his tongue to spank my clit. I want his fingers to twist inside of me. I want...I want...more. More of what, I am not quite sure. I feel him sucking on my clit and feel the slight scrape of teeth. I am throwing my head back and forth like a woman possessed. I try bucking and arching my back high in the air, but this man has a death grip on my hips, shoving me back down onto the bed, never taking his mouth off me. Yes, get me wetter. Drive me to the depths of insanity..of which there is no return. Make a sloppy mess of my pussy...I love that shit. Yes, shove your tongue deeper inside me. Feel my clit pulsing against your mouth? Against your swollen lips? All of this is coming from me! Sweet, poor tortured and beaten soul me!! I feel a scream gathering in the back of my throat and grit my teeth. I dont want to experience my release just yet...I want to savor this nastiness. Then...a shock. A surprise. My friend lifts his head and bites hard on my inner thigh. Yikes. I did not see this one coming. The sharp sting echoes thru me....rattling the cage that holds my inner beast. My inner beast raises her head and shows her teeth....the time is almost near for her to experience freedom. His head lowers and the tongue lashing continues, much to my glee. His hand reaches up and grabs my nipple (talk about multitasking!) and he squeezes hard, wrenching a loud moan from me. The combination of pain and pleasure results in even more acute pleasure...a pleasure so sweet it is to be treasured. I push forward into his mouth as his hand caresses and tweaks my breast. I am in XTC....I feel as though I will burst any second now! His tongue actions increase and his hand is now slapping my breast. Hard, stinging slaps that leave red hand prints. I do not mind, as he is making a sloppy mess of my pussy as he is doing this. This feels incredible. I raise my head a little bit at the wrong time and his hand cracks my jaw. The slap is a shock, of course...but it felt good. Why? Once again, I was being punished! Pain is pleasure as they say.
He stands me up on the side of my bed and pushes me against the wall. I am wondering what in the hell he is doing as he lays underneath me....and then, I find out. He finger fucks me. Not just any finger fuck. I was standing up, braced against the wall for support as he used a variety of finger tricks on my already damn swollen pussy. I have never had such magic worked on me. In and out, twisting and turning, sliding, cajoling, stroking...fucking. Hardcore finger fuck. I could not believe my luck. Was this really happening to me?? Was I truly experiencing this...abandonment of all contraints?? Reveling in the filthy gutterbutt pleasures one normally reads about? Was pleasure this acute allowed? Was I allowed to enjoy myself? This was a world I had only dreamed of...and kept the dreams locked away from everyone. This was my inner darkness come out to play. I felt my head lolling from side to side as the fingers continued to fuck me senseless. I do not know how I managed to stay upright....I do know I eventually wrenched myself from him and pinned him down.....and proceeded to give him the best blow job he would ever experience. My greedy mouth swallowing him whole, my tongue swirling around his juicy head and thick shaft....my excitement growing. His hands grab my hair and yank hard as my head bobs up and down, side to side, slurping and eating him alive. I dimly hear him talking filth to me. Calling me names, smacking my face with his hand, smacking my ass and pulling on my shoulders. I am beyond the point of caring. I want to explode all over him. I want him to explode all over me...I want to release my inner beast!! He flips me over to all fours and wraps a scarf around my neck. I sigh in deep relief and anticipation...I am to be punished again. Sigh of happiness. I feel him thrusting himself into me, to the hilt. His cock slamming into my inner wall. I clench myself around him, punishing him as he is punishing me. I can feel my release...its just within my reach now. I dig my fingers into his thighs, as my arms are pinned and held by him behind my back, unaware of the pain i am causing him. IHis thighs are the only thing I can grab onto. I lean my head forward as he continues pounding me....making the silk scarf around my neck tighter. I can feel the smoothness of it....an irony of sorts. Something so delicate, so sensually pleasing is aiding in the choking of me. It has become my jailer, my noose. My lovely silken noose. I feel the edges of my reality blurring again and the face of my ex swims before my eyes. I instantly feel guilty. Ashamed. Filthy. I am dishonoring him. I am betraying him. How could I do this to him? Yes, we broke up months ago..but I love him. I could never be with anyone else. The pain of our split comes rushing back to me and I bite my tongue to keep from crying out. The hurt and pain washes over me anew and I am struck down by the weight of my grief, my pain. Shocked at my brazen behavior. I hear a howling...a lonely heartfelt howling filling my ears. I feel hot tears sliding down my face...I am nothing more than a filthy slut. I am not worthy of my ex's love. I am nothing. I failed him. I failed as a woman....all of these thoughts and feelings crash into me like a raging storm. I gasp loudly, trying to shove all these feelings back down. My inner beast is not to be denied though. She leaps up and I realixe the howling is coming from her....from me. I try to focus on the cock slamming wonderfully into my cervix....which proves to be my undoing. With a thrust, he hits the front wall just right.....
Everything happened at once after that. He bit down hard on my back, sending sharp aftershocks of pain echoimg through my body. I screamed loud and long....a gutteral cry of release, of pain, of agony. I had never felt guilt, pleasure, bitterness, self loatred and sheer XTC in my life. I cried so damn hard...I couldnt get myself under control. My inner beast was finally quieted...as she got the release she was searching for. All the pain, the hurt....came rushing to the forefront and helped in the experience that was..a true release.
Yup. Find your true sexual nature. So many times, we hide it. We cover it up, as it may not be socially acceptable. Half the time, we refuse to acknowledge it.
Every now and again....let your inner beast out to play.
